4 Questions Series - Gary Pritchard
February 21st 2020
Sporting Directors Note:
Continuing in the “Thoughtful February” Mindset this weeks 4 Questions are answered by Gary Pritchard, CMC.
I first met Gary Pritchard through the New York Red Bulls. I had never been around sports psychologists or mental coaches and, quite frankly, did not see the point - “You’re playing football, what could the problem possibly be”?!?!
Gary changed my mindset through his knowledge, ability to listen, to help, his passion and the endless stories(!) stories - the anecdotal pieces I have used over and over in my coaching career. As I became curious Gary changed my mind on the importance of mental stretch and team building. I now subscribe that totally to the process and believe that it is paramount to the success of the athlete. Without the mindset Gary helps create a athlete will face more problems than success.
Gary is my first call when I have serious problems and more importantly my first when I have successes. As many TTi players have heard from me “I couldn’t take out of you what wasn’t already there”. That is 100 per cent stolen from Gary - he has said it to me more than once.
I have deliberately not edited the article down - So settle in for a read!
Coach Gary Pritchard is a Certified Mental Coach (CMC) who has dedicated his life to helping others improve their skills on and off the field. A former coach and public school teacher for Bayshore Junior & Senior High school in Bayshore, NY, Gary has coached various youth sports since 1975. He invested over 20 years as a Select and High School soccer coach, as well as an Assistant Coach at NCAA Division 2 Felician College.
Gary currently serves as the Golden Goal Program Director and as a coach and trainer for the New York Red Bulls Youth Camps. Gary has written or co-authored two powerful coaching books, including 105 Great Stories for Coaches, Teachers, Leaders, and Parents and 10 Things Great Coaches Know with Coach Mike Tully.
In the past, he has worked with the Skidmore Men’s and Women’s Soccer team, UVM Women’s Soccer, College of St. Rose Soccer, Marist College Soccer, St. John Women’s Soccer, Felician College Men’s Soccer, and City College of New York’s women’s basketball.
Gary has had the honor of offering sessions as a mental conditioning team building coach for IHA Academy, Pascack Valley High School (lacrosse), Ramapo H. School, Bergen Tech, Northern Highlands High School, and Don Bosco Prep, the Women’s Premier Soccer League (WPSL) Adirondack Lynx, the Lynx Soccer Academy, the Pasco Soccer Club, and the Ramsey Varsity Soccer team, who became State Champs in 2007 (first time in 100 year history), State Sectional Finalists in 2008, State Sectional Champs in 2009, and Conference Champs in 2010.
Gary is on the panel of advisers for ParentalWisdom.Com which helps give parents help and advice on different issues with family and raising children. He is a member of the “World Positive Thinkers Club for his work with his “Thought of the Day” – a daily inspirational message which Gary emails to nearly 1000 subscribers.
He is married to his wife of 30 years, Kate, and has 3 boys Todd, Scott & Sean.You can find out more about Gary here: www.coachgarypritchard.com
1. You've worked with so many players from kid to pro, what are some memories that stand out?
Lee, there have been many wonderful “Ah -ha” moments working with players. By the way some of the players came from you out of Houston and Seattle. 2 memories that stick out:
1 - An 11 year boy who had real focus and anger issues when he played. He was a very talented player but his attitude and behavior was affecting his performance, the team chemistry, and as a result also his playing time. His behavior and challenges carried over into school and family life as well.
Much of what he suffered from was failure to recognize the “un-controll-ables” of the game and a perfectionist mentality. As we worked together it was rewarding to watch the transformation over the next few months and hear the feedback from his parents and coaches about his amazing turnaround on and off the field.
Since then this young man has been invited up to US National pool camps, and is currently captain of his club team. He is doing well in school and now is a leader helping other players around him with their mental game.
2 - The second memory was working with Ramsey High School here in NJ. during 2007 . They were struggling from the year before. They had a lot of talent but failed to perform well during the previous season when it mattered most.
The 2007 season started off rocky with 1 win and 2 losses. The coach contacted me because he felt they were capable of great things,and in hindsight, he was right.
We got to work and instituted a program of team building and accountability along with mental skills training and the boys began to respond. They ended up going on a run and won every game from that point on and made it into the state finals against a very good side from Central New Jersey.
In the state final game Ramsey was down 1-0 at the half but with their mental training and terrific team effort were able to bounce back on the biggest stage most high school players ever experience and went on to win 3-1.
This was the first time in the 100 year history of the school to win a State title. Amazing day, and I was so proud how guys bought in to our program, practiced hard, and then executed their mental training when it mattered most. Looking back now after having worked many years with many teams on their quest for s state title. I realize how special that moment was.
2. How important is the role of the parent in a youth athletes development (and what advice would you give)?
(this is a hot topic with me …these excepts are taken from the book I am writing for young parents.)
A parent’s role in youth athletes development is HUGE!!
Foremost as parents we model behaviors. It’s not what we say, it’s what we do. As far as advice, every parent has their own style and every child is different. That being said here are some thoughts to consider.
To start…I love this quote By Shane Murphy, PH.D: “A parent’s greatest strength - their unwavering emotional support and love of their child and their willingness to make sacrifices for their child’s athletic improvement- is thus also their greatest weakness.”
Starters: Try to see the big picture...
What’s my child learning from this experience? How does each day of practice and competition, with the challenges and obstacles help my kid learn about life?
Some tips and behaviors from balanced sports parents:
They take time to thank and compliment the officials - We don’t have enough ref’s/ officials. Why? Because most quit over the verbal abuse from the sidelines)
They talk to the parents of the other team and compliment good plays by both sides.
They don’t coach from the sidelines. Or want to speak with the coach right after a game. They never tell the coach how to coach, or discuss another child on the team. They don’t undermine the coach’s decisions. They treat the coach as an ally, not an adversary. They are not the type to question a coach about playing time or comparing their child with another on the team or negatively speak about the coach with other parents.
They are the parent who lets their kid deal with the adversity and learn to be coachable from it.
They let them learn to work with their teammates and coaches on their own. This helps develop decision making skills and let them figure it out for themselves and fosters internal motivation.
External motivation doesn’t last and is part of the reason many kids burnout from sports.
They just love watching their kid play and give them space.
They let them enjoy successful moments and work on how to deal with losses, failures and disappointments. Our job is to make sure they keep things in perspective. Whether they win or lose what’s the take-away? What did they learn from it? They allow their son / daughter to learn through his/ her mistakes and failures. They don’t try to fix things.
They allow their child to fight his / her own battles with the coach, teammates, officials, administration. They empower their child to make their own decisions then hold them accountable for what they (child) said THEY wanted to do.
They provide emotional support and positive feedback
They avoid going to every practice and actually miss a game once in a while. Allowing their child to tell them what happened. This can give a parent a whole new perspective on the game.(your child’s) . It also helps the child understand the world does not always revolve just around them.”
Balanced parents avoid the PGA . (The P-G-A stands for the Post Game Analysis on the car ride home). I was told recently that hundreds of college athletes in a survey were asked to think back: "What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?" Their overwhelming response: "The ride home from games with my parents." It’s good to allow some space from the emotional rollercoaster experienced in a game. Balanced parents attempt to avoid discussing mistakes right after the game on the ride home. They avoid the “Should-a – Could-a-Would-a” conversations.
They are the supportive (vs. the pressure) parent with good questions and positive comments: “Did you have fun out there? “I really loved watching you play”, “We really enjoyed that game, it was fun game to watch”(no matter what the outcome.) “What did you enjoy most out there?” No matter your child’s mood on the way home give them time to process and learn from what happened. Yes, some days there will be long faces and tears and other days you will just get “Can we go home now I’m hungry.” He/ she is done and doesn’t want to talk about it. They (parents) respect that.”
Many children feel stress at games and hoping their parents and family are proud of them. They are so little it’s a lot on them. You can usually recognize those kids. They are the ones constantly looking over to the sidelines to Mom or Dad for their approval or reaction from a mistake or good play. Parents don’t realize how they can be adding even subtle pressure about winning on their little guys. Examples: “You’d better eat a good breakfast if you want to win your big game today !!” or “You better get some rest I heard that girl you are matched up against tomorrow is really good.”(Pushing Pressure vs. Support)
Balanced parents avoid defining their kid’s success by wins and losses because it can add stress. They focus on the process (what skill are they working on) not the outcome. Again …winning is an outcome and is not something they can control.
They encourage risk taking. Dare them to be unpredictable, to go for it and find joy in the effort and never fear failure. Great athletes and great people learn to take risks and are willing to fail more often. Their failures give them feedback and motivation to keep improving. Fear of failure holds kids back in sports and in life. Teach them failure is not the opposite of success it is part of success.
Balanced parents don’t fix it for them. If they forget their equipment, or are going to be late, or not practicing as they should on their own at home, or don’t get picked for a team. They let them fail, and experience the consequences. It will make them better. Allow your child to take ownership. If he/she is constantly trying to live up to your expectations it could lead to him/ her thinking your happiness depends on his/ her performance. By taking a step back, you can give your child the room to step forward and claim the sport for him/herself.
Balanced sports parents take cues from their child. Does your child care that she lost the ball three times in soccer today? No? Then why should you? Athletics is one of the best ways for young people to take risks and deal with failure because the consequences are far from the heart. They aren’t permanent. We’re talking about a game. Let all the successes be theirs, and all the failures be theirs.” (not yours)
Balanced parents avoid being a “Keeping up with the Jones’s/ Crazy Sports Parent”, Some of these parents tend to think their child's athletic performance is reflective of their quality as a parent. They go over-board buying the more expensive equipment, fight to get them on the best team, signed up for the best camp or tournament, and would feel like they are letting their kid down if they didn’t do all this. And they expect you to join in with your child because if he isn’t doing “it” too he will be left behind and never catch up. As a former D2 college assistant coach that kind of thinking is nonsense.
The “crazy parents” often become their child’s sports agent. Orchestrating more playing time, right position on the field or team, or arrange more tryouts for the next new “best” team. Their child is usually the one who is over-scheduled and in a strange way the parents are proud of it. As if it’s a badge of honor if their child is playing for multiple teams. Their kid is signed up for every extra clinic, consistently working towards the next level, the next best team up, for the next season. They hire technical skills, strength and conditioning coaches for extra sessions after regular practices. Coincidentally their child often is the one suffering from an over-use injury or growth plate issues.
Here are hard questions for a sports parent to answer honestly_
Are you really wrapped up in the wins, losses, rankings at tournaments? As a result, do you find yourself running the different scenarios to your child or their teammates between games.
Do you want ‘this’ maybe more than your child and you can’t understand their lack of interest (intensity)?
Are you the parent that watches every practice? (not talking about games)
Do you notice you are pacing or restless on the sidelines or that you are sweating watching your child play?
Are you ever so anxious you feel you are “losing your stuff” a little (frustrated) on the sidelines
Do you sometimes treat him/ her differently and act disappointed after a loss or if they haven’t played as well as you know they can?
Are you sometimes looking for a return on your investment for all the time and money spent each year on training, extra outside coaching, tournaments, travel expenses and uniforms?
You get the point. If you found yourself saying that’s me even to a couple beware of being an over the top sports parent.
Last parting thoughts. It’s highly unlikely your child will be a professional soccer player or for that matter ‘slim’ they play in college. Lots of parents have that end goal in the back of their mind. I suggest you talk to parents of college student athletes and then you will get a much more realistic view on the college athletic scholarship scene and how that all works.
Something you want to remember: Any top college coach before they can ask your child about their skills and ability or having them on their roster they have to ask “How are your grades”. Without the proper grades there’s no eligibility, there are no offers, there’s no opportunity to play period.
It is also good to know there are at least 10 times more academic scholarships available versus athletic. So smart parents today not only invest in their child’s sports training but also invest in training for their academic growth.
3. How do you see the role of the sports psychologist/Mental Coach developing over the next decade?
The field of Mental Skills Coaching (MS) is on the rise and expanding. For example almost every major professional team in MLB and the NFL has a M/S coach as a consultant or on staff. This expansion is happening with professional soccer programs as well.
For several years now coaches and parents have invested heavily in training their youth players in 3 of the 4 pillars of the game. As a result, today most young players have plenty of specific technical, tactical, and physical experience. But how much training are these players getting regarding the mental pillar of the game? If asked, I think most coaches would say “none” or “very little”.
Over the next decade I see that changing due to better awareness and education. In the years ahead I feel there will be more M/S coaches as part of the staff at clubs and high school programs working with teams and increased private instruction.
I see new areas being explored with more integrated coaching / teaching methods making connections and alignment with the Mind, Body, and Spirit (soul). We are seeing yoga, mindfulness and meditation becoming more main stream and are good examples of increased awareness and better understanding of the “inner game”: (The inner game being our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, self- talk, ego and how these affect performance on the field and in life.) When the “Inner game” is properly aligned through practiced strategies then our view of our outer world and how we navigate competition and life can change for the better.
By the end of the decade I hope to see M/S professionals in high demand with Parents, Coaches and Educators in a larger role of “overall wellness” helping kids with self-awareness, their inner game, and how to navigate their life and sports journey from a place of balance, with grit and resilience and with strategies for a happy and healthy life.
4. How can the mental health of a player affect performance positively and negatively?
I think the easiest way to answer this question is to show the performance profile of a player with weaker mental skills vs. a player trained in mental skills and you can draw your own conclusions.
Before we begin, one of the biggest differences between players positive or negative performance is his /her perception of a situation. A player’s perception at any moment is their reality. He /she at that moment has a choice. How does he /she choose to see what is happening to her/him at that moment? And then how does he / she choose to react or respond?
With that in mind let’s compare:
Qualities of a mentally weaker player:
(Negative effects on performance)
They let the un-control-ables control them (the ref’s, opponents , teammates, weather , coaches, crowds etc.)
They generally see the glass ‘half empty’ (they see the worst in every situation- problems , obstacles, frustrations, they break down, usually a downer as a teammate)
They react (without thinking) on emotions. They play and are emotionally up and down during a game like a yo-yo.
They lack strategies for staying composed under pressure, not confident or lose confidence quickly in certain situations, they lose focus.
They lack a pregame routine. (to be mentally be ready)
They lack a strategy for letting go of their mistakes
They get stuck in the past think of on mistakes, poor past performances
They get stuck worrying about winning or what will happen in the next half or what could happen in the future.
Performance qualities of a mentally strong player:
(Positive effects on performance)
They recognize the un-controll-ables and don’t allow the un-controll-ables to control them. They focus on their Effort, Attitude and their response. (Don’t just react)
They generally see the glass ‘half full’ (they find the good in every situation- possibility , opportunities, fascinated, they break through, usually a builder upper as a teammate)\
They have strategies for good composure, they understand the difference between confidence and competence, they know how to re-focus. They are more consistent both emotionally and how they perform overall.
They have a good mental pregame routine.
They have cues and strategies for letting go of mistakes
They stay present in the moment not judging every play as good or bad They refuse to get stuck in the past or the future.
They stay focused on the process and on their job and not the outcome.
They never really lose a game ….they always learn (what’s my take away.)